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Swiss born psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first
identified the five stages of grief in her work over the
course of her lifetime with dying and terminally ill
patients. The five stages identified are:
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1. |
Denial |
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The protective
layer. Experienced when too much is happening at once.
Feelings of
being overwhelmed, "can't think straight", confusion,
shock. |
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2. |
Anger |
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Strong emotion that comes from the experience. The
anger will
usually mask the fear
that is being experienced. Often felt when the situation
is totally beyond our control. |
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3. |
Blame & bargaining |
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The
"if
only"
stage.
If only this had happened or that had happened, this
would not be happening to me now. |
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4. |
Depression |
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Depression is often described as
"anger turned
inwards."
Feelings of hopelessness, despair, deep sadness are
experienced & is often experienced when the above stages
have failed to work at rectifying the situation. |
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5. |
Acceptance |
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The moving on
stage. Often felt over time as life has continued & the
realization is reached that
nothing
more can be
done in the situation. |
These stages can
be readily identified when serious trauma such as death
occurs, however, these stages can also be known as
The Process Of Change.
The process occurs whenever there is change taking place, and
it is in this process that many find themselves "stuck" -
unable to move to a place of resolution.
To find how this
works & how many times you use this process, watch for it on
a daily basis. Notice the number of times in a day you go
through this process as changes are taking place.
A simple example
is a friend phoning 10 minutes late for a lunch date:
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Denial |
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The moment of
"shock"
as you realize a change that was not planned has just
taken place. It's that instant moment when you
feel -
"what now?" |
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Anger |
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With minor
changes, the anger is often felt as annoyance, being
piqued, irritation. If it is a repetitive event, then
full explosion of anger may take place. |
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Blame |
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Here
observe the thoughts
running through your mind. "If only they had called
sooner, I could have rescheduled something else." "That
person can never get things organized". "I'm never
arranging another lunch date with them unless they can
get their act together." "They are so inconsiderate of my
feelings." |
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Depression |
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In this
stage, notice the feelings
of disappointment, sadness. The feeling of loss. You may
have really been looking forward to this date and at this
point you feel "let down." |
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Acceptance |
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The rescheduling of your day takes
place. "Oh well, I can now get this or that done & it
really doesn't matter as I'll see them next week
anyway." "I guess they really couldn't do anything else
anyway."
RESOLUTION ACHIEVED |
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Now, when
major change
or major loss
is experienced, take the
feelings you experience daily and magnify them 1,000%. The
feelings can be so overwhelming, that we bury them in an
attempt to
reach
resolution
quickly.
This can occur
also when
happy events take
place,
such as winning the lottery, the birth
of a new child, marriage, job or career changes.
It is during the
burying process, that we often get
"stuck"
in
the process. This is where the blockages are formed as we try
to move through life. We then become more & more fearful &
more determined to stay away from the buried feelings &
emotions. We then have set a course of
"fear triggers"
in place that the subconscious & unconscious portion of the
mind uses in an attempt to keep them buried.
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THE TIME IS NOW. LET THE
HEALING BEGIN or THE TIME IS NOW - LET THE
RESOLUTION HAPPEN! |
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